Finals to the Topical Tournament: Authority vs. Magician

[P.I. The Genius]

Finals to the Topical Tournament: Authority vs. Magician

12 bars 24 lines

72 hours to drop

on topic: Anonymous 1 will provide the topic

voting will be on these categories

IMAGERY:
FLOW:
DEPTH:
META'S:
COMPLEXITY:
MULTI'S:
VOCAB:

The KO has been eliminated for the finals

first to 5 votes wins

must vote using the categories and a short explanation

no poll to click this battle does not count on your record

good luck too both

[Skeptyk ILL]

TOPIC

http://i441.photobucket.com/albums/qq140/Smj_204/requiem20for20a20dream.jpg

[Kontempt]

hmmmm interesting... cashing this check in

[Magician]

checkin in and shit...sorry i been away i had a death in the family

[P.I. The Genius]

send verses to me do not drop your own verse same as last round

---------- Post added 12-16-09 at 2:44 PM ---------- Previous post was 12-15-09 at 6:11 PM ----------



Drop A:

The light above my head flashes in and out of existence
There's clouds in my vision as I look around for a witness
Whose down for committing money, reaching for quarters
Because the only thing I wanna do is speak to my daughter
I need bread from this stranger, when he passes I bum it
Nervousness starts in my head, comes to a crash in my stomach
This phone don't even got a booth, the digits are rotten too
I know what not to do, I just wanna kick it like a soccer move
I'm running from money, but the support check's in hot pursuit
Lots to lose, but my daughter recognize me less than Doctor Seuss
The phone rings, trying to tinge my voice with alacrity sweetly
Body pressed against the wall, scratching my back with graffiti
Stretching, stressing, sweating as it rings a second time
I ain't messing or hanging up until they disconnect the line
Get a Newport 'tween my lips and let my lighter just burn
Need the bogey in my mouth, cuz that's where I can't find any words
The hall reeks of beer and vomit and my own self-pity
Cuz I know when I die, I'ma go to Hell quickly
Another ring, I'm feeling lonely, getting sweaty
This shit is never getting picked up like a hitch-hiker holding a machete
This dastardly street is the savagest beast
Run my fingers through my hair, take a drag and release
It's fuckin getting cold, my soul is plummeting below
But then I hear my daughter picking up and say hello

Drop B:

The Hereditary Decomposition





Crying, he would hold the phone; simply listen to the dial tone
He didn't connect in a world that failed to offer him a home
So in solemn corridors bedecked with shadows n regret
His skint body sat wrecked, mottled n layered in sweat
Helpless to avoid darkened corners with darker points
Unescaped hatred contemplated but hazed by hourly joints
Incapacitated souls deflated to flat minds disdained & slated
Desperate and exasperated to behold such nationalised hatred
Towards stereotyped youngsters labelled 'kids of the pipe'
Their future-less futures prophesied on without iota's of hype
So its proven that darkness illuminates the world more than the light
Rise he might, yet fail in vain he will to rid this hereditary blight
Without a clear sight he will rob tonight to feed the monkey
That ultimately reversed evolution creating this primitive junkie
Inside it burns, nerves shredded with dreaded thoughts until his fix
Labyrinth like residential maps that trap school leavers like netted fish
No direction nor parental sign posts to guide him to a righteous path
A wrath of loneliness the aftermath of what had started as a 'laugh'
The truth was sadder as a fact that addiction was a ladder
When the first rung grew old u climbed 'higher' to make it better
Lacking experience it was hard to stop ascending off the top
Wrapped up in wraps n injecting smack set up a hard and brutal drop
Worst of all he had no elders with open, loving arms to catch his fall
Graffiti told his story; doomed all along... like the writing's on the wall

---------- Post added at 2:45 PM ---------- Previous post was at 2:44 PM ----------

pick the drop you like vote for it give an explanation

[Magician]

upping this... nice drop authority

[Dope Antelope]

I was feeling both. I liked the angles taken by both, the flow and multies and delivery of the first one were dope. Second one had a little more depth and content, obviously more vocab. As far as I'm concerned, Drop A would sound DOPE on an audio and Drop B wouldnt, some part of Drop B were stretched and overly explained, overly described, drop A was straight to the point.


The light above my head flashes in and out of existence
There's clouds in my vision as I look around for a witness

This bar grabbed me straight away.

Drop B would be great if he didnt use too many syllables, some long words dont always grab a reader, it just takes away from the emotion. Although, yours was much more emotive than A could have been.

Its a close one, I'm not sure whether to go by standard topical rules or my own gut and personal preference.

Drop B wins if its with the categories, he had better depth and vocab, but Drop A had slightly snappier imagery, it didnt take long for us to get to the point he was making, Drop B had nice imagery too but felt like forever till we got to the end of it.

Unescaped hatred contemplated but hazed by hourly joints
Incapacitated souls deflated to flat minds disdained & slated
Desperate and exasperated to behold such nationalised hatred

Like, trapped hatred contemplated, hazed by hourly joints/ woulda flowed much better and still kept the meaning.
Simply putting Souls deflated to flat mind disdained n slated/ too exasperated to behold such nationalized hatred

The flow improves, keeps its meaning and gets to the point quicker without meaningless syllables nah mean?

BUT thats just MY opinion...

I'mma go with my gut and Vote Drop A.

Drop B was dope though, but Drop A's take on the picture was less obvious and cleaner.

[Sinfulhollywood]

IMAGERY:a
FLOW:a
DEPTH:b
METAS:a
COMPLEXITY:a
MULTI'S:b
VOCAB: b

Drop A
The light above my head flashes in and out of existence
There's clouds in my vision as I look around for a witness
Whose down for committing money, reaching for quarters
Because the only thing I wanna do is speak to my daughter

The catcher is in the opening and you caught me. just rolls right off the tounge

This shit is never getting picked up like a hitch-hiker holding a machete
Lost the flow a bit in this line i felt but u got it back again

It's fuckin getting cold, my soul is plummeting below
But then I hear my daughter picking up and say hello
I think it would sound better if it said "its getting fuckin cold"

Drop B
Worst of all he had no elders with open, loving arms to catch his fall
Graffiti told his story; doomed all along... like the writing's on the wall
I like the ending i didnt find the flow that easy to read and the last line has to be my favorite.
alot of words could be taken out or changed to make this flow better

my vote drop a

[RealShine]

Drop A:
The phone rings, trying to tinge my voice with alacrity sweetly
Body pressed against the wall, scratching my back with graffiti
Drop B:
The truth was sadder as a fact that addiction was a ladder
When the first rung grew old u climbed 'higher' to make it better

IMAGERY:A
FLOW:A
DEPTH:TIE
METAS:A
COMPLEXITY:B
MULTI'S:B
VOCAB: B

A had better story telling all throughout and great flow, also great rhymes. B was extremely complex with alright story telling, good flow, and serious vocab.

Gotta go with drop A

I loved the whole story telling feel and more focus on storytelling than complexity..but thats just me. Of course both of them were great..A just did it for me with that bar

Great job guys

[P.I. The Genius]

vote 2-0 drop A sins vote wasnt counted because he doesnt have enough posts.

---------- Post added at 5:05 PM ---------- Previous post was at 5:05 PM ----------

uppin first to 5 sorry for confusion

[Kontempt]

upping this... nice drop authority


uppin votes, u 2 mag nice drop

[AlanSmithee]

Let me start by saying I'm amazed with both writers creativity.
When i saw the pic for the topic i thought "man this is gonna be shit hard" but you came up with two really good texts.

A:

The story tellin here is great, your opener hits all the way home

"The light above my head flashes in and out of existence"

Just that fucking line set the mood for your text right away, then u move on to explain both the persons (your) fealings and also painting the sorroudings, wich is hard to do when there is a actual picture to look at.

The one line i felt was really out of place, and dissrupted the flow was

"I know what not to do, I just wanna kick it like a soccer move"

(maybe im missing an underlying meaning it?)
It jsut feels miss-placed and forced..

Then you pick right up, and your ending is great as well, you can really feel he's gettin closer to losin it and then he's daughter picks up the phone.

I can see you went with the story tellin instead of clever wordplaying and rhyme-schemes, so that could have been done better, but then again i can see u didn't go for that.

B:

You're really smart in this text. Good use of wordplay, also a good opener (wich also has a nice wordplay with the not connecting part)

"Crying, he would hold the phone; simply listen to the dial tone
He didn't connect in a world that failed to offer him a home "

All though your lines are long you have gret structure and your rhyming is off the top, this here is just a sample of great rhyming:

"Helpless to avoid darkened corners with darker points
Unescaped hatred contemplated but hazed by hourly joints
Incapacitated souls deflated to flat minds disdained & slated
Desperate and exasperated to behold such nationalised hatred"

That was fucking sick well-written man!

There is one thing that makes me frustrated with your text, and that is that you choosed to tell it from an observers point of weiv. I think if you had situated your self as the dude in the pic, with the skills in writing you show here it would be so fuckin hot!



This is one tough battle to vote in, but in the end my vote vill go to A.
The way he build suspence and sets the mood with really good use of words and simple lines that really hits is freakin great.

B was def. hotter with rhyming and more advanced in his writing but he loses on the overall fealing of the text and the delivery of the story.

Godd job contenders!


VOTE: A!

[Kontempt]

uppidy...its a final...dont sleep ppl lol

[Dope Antelope]

3-0 to A.

[P.I. The Genius]

uppin 3-0 drop A need votes people

[Kontempt]

uppin again

[Not-N-Nice]

A...



Because the only thing I wanna do is speak to my daughter
I need bread from this stranger, when he passes I bum it
I liked tha force in that "I just wanna speak to my daughter"...like thats actually you


This phone don't even got a booth, the digits are rotten too
very relate-able in sense of...I don't know...good line!!


Lots to lose, but my daughter recognize me less than Doctor Seuss
The phone rings, trying to tinge my voice with alacrity sweetly
loved that doc seuss line (tha feelin behind it like you've been there)
and good at explainin tryna sound 'sweet voiced' for ya lil girl


Stretching, stressing, sweating as it rings a second time
I ain't messing or hanging up until they disconnect the line
liked tha multi playin around at beginnin, but most of all how you just
basically pointed out "all this is goin on in his head" (and body movement)
so basically this verse is set on about a 60 second time span...!!this is
just tha second ring!!...all in between that and first ring were thoughts and movements!


Get a Newport 'tween my lips and let my lighter just burn
I just dig how ya said 'tween...it added ??SUMTIN??


Another ring, I'm feeling lonely, getting sweaty
This shit is never getting picked up like a hitch-hiker holding a machete
how you gonna make me laugh...on somethin serious...very good line
also...thats third ring


This dastardly street is the savagest beast
Run my fingers through my hair, take a drag and releaseimagery...feelin...flow...more others but....lets just say near ya best line


It's fuckin getting cold, my soul is plummeting below
But then I hear my daughter picking up and say hello
real smooth way to go off...she answers...dig that!!!


B...



Crying, he would hold the phone; simply listen to the dial tone
He didn't connect in a world that failed to offer him a home
lot betta than A's opener...but A's flow was much more...you set ya tone here


Unescaped hatred contemplated but hazed by hourly joints
"livin like fuck it"...this line explains a lot


Incapacitated souls deflated to flat minds disdained & slated
Desperate and exasperated to behold such nationalised hatred
almost make a nigga cry...not really...but that kind of feelin??? reall deep right here


Towards stereotyped youngsters labelled 'kids of the pipe'
Their future-less futures prophesied on without iota's of hype
"pots are callin kettles black"??? get me??? that was a real dope line right
there, but delivery could've been betta?!!?!


So its proven that darkness illuminates the world more than the light
very, very, very....I liked tha meanin behind of in front??? all I'm sayin's
its deep and got a feelin projected from it


Without a clear sight he will rob tonight to feed the monkey
you hit that right on tha nose and also hit tha upper lip??
"like some 9 times out of 10 type shit"!?!!?


Inside it burns, nerves shredded with dreaded thoughts until his fix
Labyrinth like residential maps that trap school leavers like netted fish
first line: reality bitin you on ya ass via lyrics...addiction is ADDICTION...dependancy???
second line: I love tha labyrinth reference and how delivered...very creative and
tha fish/school was incredible wordplay (all cuz I didn't notice till a few reads)


No direction nor parental sign posts to guide him to a righteous path
all alone in tha world...bless his soul...this sets tha tone...matter fact..this here would
be a perfect 'tag'/caption for this pic


The truth was sadder as a fact that addiction was a ladder
When the first rung grew old u climbed 'higher' to make it better
damn, I loved this line...all cuz its tha truth on "so many levels"...one
addiction leads to another more grave...blah, blah, blah


Lacking experience it was hard to stop ascending off the top
Wrapped up in wraps n injecting smack set up a hard and brutal drop
didn't like: for fact of not easy to comprehend off top (simply)
liked it more: for tha meanin and how deep it actually is


Worst of all he had no elders with open, loving arms to catch his fall
Graffiti told his story; doomed all along... like the writing's on the wall
damn....tha first line is heartfelt...you went way more deep tha "A" did...it makes
me wonder is he an innocent soul or battered one??? who knows??
tha second line was not better closer than A, but "almost" just as effective...not
sayin I didn't like it, but this is still a battle...tha lines sad to think about though...
good strategies at depth..!

IMAGERY: A
FLOW: A
DEPTH: BB
META'S: A (B had some internals though)
COMPLEXITY: BB
MULTI'S: A
VOCAB: B (A had more relate-able vocab as in tha guy in
pic speakin himself via "tha lingo"){B had more though...and a lil betta)

soooooo..........I liked B's betta in form of depth and meaningfull-ness
but I'm haveta go wit A cuz all around it was also deep, heartfelt, funny
at times, it basically had tha whole nine but comparing to B, some of it
was 'WEAKER' not weak?!!!!?!!

my vote...................verse A (very hard but I chose)

[Dope Antelope]

4-0..

uh..1 more.

[P.I. The Genius]

uppin 4-0 verse A

[Magician]

uppin

[Dope Antelope]

Authority said he's OK with keeping Sins vote and awarding the win to Magician.

Magician is now the topical champion and I shall challenge him in the near future..haha

well done.

5-0 KO.

[Kontempt]

yeah congrats mag on the win, good work on ur drop but im gonna come after it soon too :D ;)

[RealShine]

Grats Mag!!

[P.I. The Genius]

Mags Wins came with the fire what can I say I was rooting for the pen, but I hope you bring that heat in the tag tournament lets make it 2 in a row for you mags, tough work

[D-Meiss]

A.I. IN THE MOTHAFUCKIN BUILDIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! good shit folk

[Magician]

haha thanks everybody.

[Dope Antelope]

HOF'd